Consider Yourself Lucky
by idkgirl27
Summary: "Instead of confronting him Butters just opens himself up, physically and emotionally, for Cartman." Cartters/Cutters/Buttman loosely inspired by the song "Parachute" by Ingrid Michaelson


**A/N: Hello everyone!**

**Well this here is another Buttman fic but this one isn't exactly happy….**

**This fic was loosely inspired by the song "Parachute" by Ingrid Michaelson**

**So I suggest giving that song a listen because it really is a pretty song**

**Anyways please read and please enjoy :)**

Butters is lying on his back panting and trying his best to catch his breath. It's not until Cartman puts his hand on his waist to roll him onto his side and into his arms does he finally calm down.

It's at this moment that Butters is convinced that everything between them is okay and all the struggles he puts up with are worth it. When he's in Cartman's arms and tucked away into his chest he feels the most reassurance even more than when Cartman is inside of him.

Butters doesn't completely understand why Cartman wants to keep this hidden but he doesn't have to understand because he'll keep quiet about everything as long as his day gets to end like this.

This happens to be one of the few nights that it does end like this. Usually there's very little time together because Butters is always expected to be at home.

He's almost always late because Cartman's arms are where he wants to stay. It's the only place where he's every felt truly protected from all the things that are out to get them.

At home it's different. There he has no one to protect him and he'll never stand up to his parents when they've decided that they've had enough of his behavior. Butters tries to 'take it like a man' but he can only take so much before his knees buckle and he falls down. If he's lucky then they leave him at this point, if he's not then they continue until his voice is hoarse and all he can manage is a breathless scream.

He doesn't even bother telling Cartman about any of that because Cartman already knows. Sometimes when Cartman's hands are going over Butters' body he'll stop for a second when his fingers met the bruised flesh. He doesn't say anything and instead uses his mouth to press against Butters' lips.

Butters still considers himself lucky because at least now he can find some comfort. Before Cartman had chosen Butters to spend these moments with Butters had been all alone and the only attention he ever received was from his parents or from uncaring classmates.

All these people are still in his life but whenever it's just them Cartman tries to do his best to make up for it.

Cartman's lips meet his ear and he tells him how they just need to wait a little longer., that once they've graduated he'll take him far from here and even further from all these people. Cartman says that he'll take care of him and keep him away from the rest of the world.

That's all that Butters wants. To just be with Cartman and not have to worry about the consequences and he's sure that that's what Cartman wants too.

Sometimes though it can be hard for Butters to believe those promises because even if things are different between them it's only when they're behind closed doors but when they're not it's as if nothing's changed.

Cartman tries his best to avoid Butters in public because if they meet then he's expected to say the worst of things and he does because he doesn't want anyone to get suspicious.

Those are the words that take the longest for Butters to heal from. Not that he ever truly heals he just becomes better at compartmentalizing them.

Then when they're back behind closed doors they never mention those incidents. Butters gets frustrated with himself but he can never find the right moment to mention all the hurt he has inside because of Cartman's inability to accept him in the real world.

Instead of confronting him Butters just opens himself up, physically and emotionally, for Cartman.

Butters is used to taking the fall, taking the hit. He's always been the target for no other reason than he was willing to be for the sake of others.

For Cartman he'd do anything because being with him is the only time that he's ever felt anything other than hurt but even this is at Cartman's expense.

Cartman's much better at hiding his pain but every now and then Butters can see it. As much as Cartman wants their time together he's still disgusted by it. He's disgusted with himself for being what he considers to be wrong.

Sometimes even when they're alone Cartman doesn't want to touch or even look at Butters but this separation never lasts long because Cartman simply can't resist him, resist the temptation.

The fact that Cartman has never been able to permanently say no to him makes Butters happy and gives him hope but it also leaves him feeling guilty.

Butters doesn't want Cartman to feel self-hatred because of the things that they do together. Butters wants Cartman to feel good about them too and maybe one day Cartman can actually feel proud of them.

He wants to comfort Cartman just like how Cartman comforts him but Butters doesn't know how. He can only ease the pain by staying silent. So he does.

Butters doesn't tell anyone about him and Cartman. He doesn't tell anyone about the pain that he feels and how that pain never goes away unless he's with Cartman. He won't tell anyone that he's falling in love and how it feels to find that one person that he'd do literally anything for. He won't even tell Cartman because Cartman's not ready to hear those three words.

So Butters won't say them, he won't say anything about them.

He'll just lay in Cartman's arms for the night and wait for the day when he can finally be rescued.

**A/N: So this wasn't exactly a song fic per se but it was inspired by a song**

**I have a few other song-inspired fics I plan to work on**

**So maybe, hopefully one day they will be written and posted (I'm planning a song-inspired Style fic!)**

**I hope you all listened to the song :)**

**Basically in this fic Butters finds comfort in his relationship with Cartman but Cartman isn't willing to show the world that they're together and instead makes Butters these promises of a better tomorrow. Butters listens to Cartman and keeps quiet about them even though it's hurting him in so many ways and Cartman is aware of all the hurt that Butters is feeling but is too self-conscious about being gay to come out and help Butters with his problems. However Butters just accepts this because when they're together he can at least find some comfort from his troubles.**

**It's not exactly the song but there's a bit of the feeling in there.**

**Anyways I hope it was okay enough**

**I'll see ya next time readers!**

**Thanks for reading :)**


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